Tech Support’s Eight Least-Wanted Callers
There's nothing wrong with calling technical support for whatever product or device you have in front of you. You paid money for it, you expect it to work, you want it fixed. Even the geekiest of gadget geeks dial them up every now and then.
But we're posting this to remind consumers that there's a human being on the other end of that phone. And with the Christmas season coming up, lots of new gadget owners will be on the line, fumbling with their new settings and needing help. Here's a list of the eight kinds of callers which every help desk person we've ever talked to would just as soon do without. You readers are all nice folks, so you aren't going to be any one of these types, are you?
The Male Chauvinist
"What? I'm talking to a woman? Give me someone who knows something!" That's the number-one complaint of female tech support workers. Rest assured, folks, women in tech support get the same training as men. They're usually going through the same script. And by the way, does everybody know that the first computer programmer was a woman? Just checking!
The Ranting Screamer
Yes, it's frustrating when your phone won't work and you don't know why. But please keep it civil! Yelling at the tech support worker does nothing but raise your own blood pressure. Furthermore, tech support workers have heard it all before. They have a special day in tech support school where they learn how to deal with an angry caller. It's documented, it's practiced, there's a list of tips, there's instructions on when each stage of anger kicks in... Everything. Spare your dignity.
The Know-It-All Blowhard
These are the people who feel insecure and defensive because they had to ask somebody for help. Probably the same sort of bloke who will get lost in the desert rather than ask directions. Relax! The tech support person isn't snickering at you behind the 'hold' button.
The Persecuted Paranoid
Just a reminder: the tech support worker isn't installing spyware on your laptop, isn't trying to hack your bank account, and isn't out to sell you a new laptop after making you break your present one. Also, there is another explanation for failure besides "I've been hacked!" We've heard people who saw the dark screen on their phone and said "I've been hacked!" and it turns out they forgot to put the batteries back in.
The Long-Winded Explainer
Start at the end of the story. Can't print? Then say "I can't print." Then let the tech support person ask you whatever else they need to know, until they have enough to solve the problem. Don't start out "My daughter was coloring pictures in Photoshop last Monday for Mother's Day and when she clicked on the palette it came up dark so then we decided to try emailing it but that didn't work and then the dog got loose so we had to..."
The Hacker
Seriously, 1337 D00D, if you broke your warranty and installed ZSNES on your MP3 player to try to play your pirated ROM dump of Super Mario Brothers and opened the case to try to cram an NVidia card in there and now you need to patch in telnet so you can download the driver for it, you're on your own. Doing anything the device wasn't designed to do qualifies as "on your own".
The Luddite
It doesn't work like your old gizmo does. Well, which one is that? The Apple Lisa you're still hanging onto, or the Web TV unit you still have hooked up? Or maybe the Texas Instruments calculator you bought in 1983? Technology changes fast, and if you don't like changes, that kind of means that you don't like technology.
The Lazy Loaf
A very fun site that we must share is "Let Me Google That For You"! Go ahead, type in those questions like "What's an MP3?", "Where can I find speakers?", and "How can I learn programming?" Humans are not search engines.
Filed Under: Education in Technology • Featured • Jobs in Technology
