The Most Bizarre Tech Lawsuits

No matter where you are in the world, it seems that technology and courts don't mix very well. The legal profession seems to be particularly challenged at keeping up with the rapidly changing field of computing. And in turn, coders, developers, and geeks of every stripe seem to unanimously shy away from legal matters. It makes their brain fuzzy. Javascript makes sense, it follows rules. Lawyers seem free to make up whatever Alice-in-Wonderland rules they want. Here, out of recent news, are the six cases of legal warfare on the tech front that left us scratching our heads the most:

SCO vs Novell

You'd almost have to be living in a cavern to miss this one. The SCO Group has been laboriously suing Novell, along with IBM, claiming sole ownership of Unix. But neither of these companies is actually going to war over Unix, but instead Linux - which only vaguely resembles Unix. So SCO's claim is that the Linux source code reproduces code from the original Unix. Since this claim is easily disproved merely by downloading Linux's open source code and reading it, you would think this case would have been over in one day.

Notable for: Being the ultimate zombie lawsuit. They just keep killing it, and it just keeps coming back, like Freddy Kruger. Every decision gets appealed, every trial gets extended, and SCO has lost so many battles in the fight that it's impossible to see where even SCO still believes it has a case any more. SCO filed for bankruptcy in 2007; at that point you'd think that would have killed it, but no, it didn't even slow them down. Groklaw.net has the full story, having been the site which was made famous by its coverage of just this case.

Stacie Somers vs Apple

The claim is that because Apple's iTunes music service and iPod music player don't support Microsoft Windows Media Format, Apple monopolizes digital music. That's it. Here's the story.

Notable for: Not making a lick of sense. While the article at Business Week makes a case that music from the iPod platform can be re-used on other platforms, even that's beside the point. Does Microsoft monopolize the Internet because Internet Explorer only runs on Windows? Does Nintendo monopolize video games because Mario games only play on Nintendo devices? Does Toyota monopolize engines because you can't put a Camry engine into a Hummer and expect it to run?

Eros vs Robert Leatherwood:

To tell this as straight as we can, within the world of the online virtual reality game Second Life there is a cottage industry for creating custom objects. Some of those objects can be of an erotic nature, but of course only for the avatar inhabitants. So Eros makes these objects called "SexGen beds", and sells them in Second Life. And Robert Leatherwood copied their design and started selling his own SexGen beds. The resulting lawsuit has been settled in Eros' favor.

Notable for: What would it have been like to explain all that to a judge? With a straight face? It's a plot straight out of a Neil Stephenson novel.

Microsoft vs DHL:

Just recently, Engadget broke the story of Microsoft's lawsuit against DHL, the package delivery service. DHL was delivering a shipment of XBox gaming consoles by rail, which got destroyed in a train wreck. So it's a pretty straightforward claim; Microsoft is suing for damages, end of story.

Notable for: The sheer schadenfreude of the situation. While the XBox is hugely popular (and Portal is the sweetest game still alive), Microsoft has famously been selling them at a loss. They've only been making money after-market on the games. So they keep making more consoles, and in the middle of a global economic recession, they lose a whole shipment. Not to mention that this is the only tech lawsuit we've ever heard of that involves a literal train wreck.

Dylan Stephen Jayne vs. Google:

Dylan Stephen Jayne has a problem. When you take his social security number and flip it upside down and rearrange the digits, some of it sort of resembles the letters in Google. So, uh, Google owes him money. But don't pass this by without checking out the awesome scribbled hand-written filing. The only thing it's missing is the word "REDRUM" etched in the margin.

Notable for: Well, being barking mad, for starters. And the next time you have a pocket calculator handy, punch in the number 316006 and flip it upside down and look at it. It also works with 379009 for upper-case G's and L. So basically anyone in the world with any kind of ID number containing the digits 0, (1 or 7), 3, and (6 or 9) has exactly the same claim. Since that's over half of the available digits, the odds are high that you, too, have a number lying around somewhere that will allow you to join in Dylan Stephen Jayne's cash bonanza. Check everything - credit card numbers, billing account numbers, passwords...

Honorable Mention - Jack Thompson's whole career:

Anyone with even a passing interest in video games knows that U.S. attorney Jack Thompson made a career out of suing video game makers for violent content in video games (and in music), alleging that they contribute to violence in the streets. By the way, that's now "FORMER U.S. attorney Jack Thompson" - he was finally disbarred in May of 2008. Meaning that he may no longer practice law. Not because of his message, but because of his methods.

Notable for: Handing a form to U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno which quizzed her on her sexual preferences, then suing for battery when she touched his shoulder. Campaigning against social services group Switchboard of Miami for placing "homosexual-education tapes" in public schools. Pasting a picture of Batman over his own on his driver's license. Comparing the content of "Banned in the USA" by hip-hop group 2 Live Crew to "a sociopath's discharging his AK-47 into a crowded schoolyard". Calling video games "murder simulators". Demanding that one judge hearing one of his cases disqualify himself. Attempting his own sting of the store Best Buy by sending his 10-year-old son to buy a copy of "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City" while he videotaped the sale. Sending a personal letter to the mother of a another lawyer, admonishing her to be ashamed for her son's actions, whom he called a "Hitler Youth". Welshing on a pledge to donate $10,000 to the designer of a game according to his own specifications. Receiving flower bouquets which he forwarded to enemies with instructions to grind them up and smoke them. Including pornographic images of gay male sex in one of his court filings.

And this is all barely the tip of the iceberg! Two pages of excerpts from one of his court filings here and here, surprisingly safe-for-work viewing. Jack, we're gonna miss you!

Filed Under: The Internetz • The Retro Stylez, Toyz